The Post-Publication Blues

While I was writing Enemies of Doves, I had several authors warn me about the sadness that comes once the book is finished. After all, we’ve spent so long with our characters, it’s hard to say goodbye. While I did feel this to some extent, I was able to offset it with my quest to find a publisher. I knew that once I did there would be more edits, so I wasn’t really saying goodbye just yet.

However, nobody warned me about the post-publication blues, which I’m learning from my writer’s groups (and tons of blog posts and articles), is a very real thing.

It feels a bit unseemly to complain about this when so many books go unpublished. It’s like on Friends when Ross was complaining about having to choose between two women and Chandler set him straight.

So obviously all authors are grateful to be published, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t met with disappointments and raw emotions in our journey. I’m a part of a wonderful debut author group on Facebook. The first time I saw a post and all the comments underneath about unrealistic expectations and disappointments I thought, Wow, so it’s not just me!

We all know that any time there is a big build up to an event, there’s always a bit of a left down afterwards. (Post-holiday blues, anyone?) This probably especially true in a year like 2020 where all our events had to be canceled and book sales fell 9% in March and then 16% in April due to the pandemic. (My book released March 20th). It’s a tough year to debut a book.

There was a lot of build up to the publication of Enemies of Doves, and in spite of the shelter in place order, release day was wonderful. The story I’d spent five years writing was out in the world. It no longer belonged just to me, but to everyone who would read it. Maybe I was saying goodbye to characters, but readers were meeting them for the first time. My lifelong dream of being an author came true that day. I mean, how many days in our lives can we look back on and say, “That was the day my dream came true.” Probably just a handful for most of us.

Then comes months of promotion and marketing. Learning the ropes as a new author is time consuming yet still exciting. Blog tours, interviews, press mentions, advertising, so very much to do. Then reviews start coming in, waves of emails from friends and family, and then complete strangers and even other authors. You feel validated.

For me, getting my audiobook deal was a huge morale booster. Not only was I dying to hear my story come to life, but that meant another publisher thought it was worth investing in.

But sooner or later comes the slow downward spiral. You find a mistake in your book, you get a few bad reviews, Reese Witherspoon doesn’t read your book. (Who knew she only chooses books with female lead characters anyway?) Your blog tours are over and reviews are dwindling. Looking at your Amazon sales rank can literally ruin your day. Your book isn’t on the NY Times Best Seller List. Your book isn’t even in your hometown library. You worry that people are sick of your “me, me, me” posts on social media. (Honestly, it feels a bit narcissistic most of the time, no matter how necessary it is.) Everyone starts to ask when your next book is coming out and you’re beating yourself up because there hasn’t been time to write while you’ve been promoting this book.  You sit down to write it and find that it’s no easier than the first time around. You feel like an imposter.

For me, this hit hard a few days after my audio release as that was the last “big event” on my calendar. I’d told myself all along that this was it. That I needed somewhat of an end date for my heavy marketing so I could focus on the new book. Not to mention, I’m back to my day job full time. So, I knew it was coming, but that didn’t soften the blow. It was almost a grief like feeling. Like now I was truly saying goodbye to this book and all the hopes I’d ever had for it. I almost talked myself out of it. “I’ll give it one more month. “I’ll wait till I hear if I won any contests,” “I’ll send one more email to Oprah.” Okay, kidding on that last one, but as much as I tried to negotiate with myself, I knew deep down that it was time to move forward.

Though I feel my book has been a fairly successful debut, it’s hard to move on. You always think, if I push a little longer and a little harder maybe it will end up in the right hands. It’s hard to stop creating graphics, to stop submitting to contests, to stop begging book clubs to pick it. It’s hard to let go, but sooner or later, you have to.

For me, I’ve had to shift my mindset and focus on what I can control. I can’t control sales, I can’t make people leave reviews, I can’t make book stores carry it, I can’t make a film producer buy the rights. So, what can I do?

First of all, I can get some perspective. What is success anyway? When did it become not enough to finish my book and realize the dream of publication? Author Elizabeth Gilbert said: “Mere completion is a rather honorable achievement in its own right. What’s more, it’s a rare one.” Did my book end up in the “right hands” of a book influencer who could make it an instant best-seller? No, but it ended up in plenty of “right hands” of readers who enjoyed it.

Secondly, I can write something else. Writing is where my talent is, where my passion lies. My heart is not and will never be in marketing.

As author Ryan Pelton says, “Too many writers and creators get hung up on their One Thing. And the One Thing can easily lead to the Only Thing.”

The good news is that I’ve had enough success with Enemies of Doves, that I hope I have a good shot of being published again. 🤞 (Not to mention a great story idea). I know that readers who loved Enemies of Doves will likely buy my second book. And if a new reader discovers and loves my second book, it’s a free advertisement for my first. As a very wise and successful author once told me, “play the long game.”

So although they will always be a part of me, I say goodbye to Clancy, Joel, Lorraine and Garrison, so I can make more time for Sloan, Ridge, Dawn, and Jay.

Enemies of Doves doesn’t have an expiration date. It’s not going anywhere except out of the forefront of my mind. I’ll still accept any requests for interviews and events regarding it. I’ll keep you posted on any good news and reviews and whether or not it wins any of these contests I entered. I’ll for sure blast it all over social media if it gets selected by a famous book club or optioned for a film. But anytime I’m tempted to sit in front of the computer and stare at my sales figures wondering what else I can do, I’m going to open up my word document and write instead.

Because (to borrow more words from Ryan Pelton) my NEXT thing could be my BEST thing.